These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
