I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
