get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
