Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
