Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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