So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
did you just send me my own nude
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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