I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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