I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
