I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
