I love black thongs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
