yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
