miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
