Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
