I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
