He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
