My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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