I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
