he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
