Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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