I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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