Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
