Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
