it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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