took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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