remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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