So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
not ubering you a puppy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
