I wish I could teleport
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
