You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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