He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
