One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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