bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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