Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
