You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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