When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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