I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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