No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
