You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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