Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
