I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
