i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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