just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
