I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
