Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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