I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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