I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
