I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am available for nakedness
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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