Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
