I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My bed smells like the plague
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
