when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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