So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
