I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
