I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
