he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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