Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
