some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
