everyone is single if you try hard enough
you would pick up someone in the library
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just gargled with NyQuil
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
