you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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