Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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