I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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