then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
