I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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