My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
