I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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