Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
