I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
