If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
