That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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