U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
