Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize