Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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