Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
