Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
