I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
