bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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