I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize