Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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