So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I could fuck to npr.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
