So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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