And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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