I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
