I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
