So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
